its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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