Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
