the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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