How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Buhtt sex?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
