Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
