I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
