I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
