sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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