dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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