Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
