The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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