if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
