allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
