No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
