My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
