just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
