I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
