; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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