why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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