Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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