We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
