Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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