so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
