I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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