I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
