Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
