At least make sure they are 18
Why
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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