I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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