Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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