You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
