I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
