Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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