you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
