Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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