just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
