she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
