all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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