My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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