Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
