Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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