She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
