wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
