i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
