no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
