My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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