i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
