some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
