Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
