I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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