I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
