can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
