Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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