you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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