I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
