But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
