my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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