I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
