Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
